The Neighbourhood Concert last night was quite an adventure.
While the kids got the full mosh-pit experience, I went up to the so-called grown-up (alcohol served) area in the balcony, and sat next to a very affectionate, very demonstrative drunk couple.
She was denied service at the bar before the concert even started, but he was an attentive and accommodating lover, making sure her glass was never empty. She was less careful in that regard, spilling twice without appearing to notice.
Her appreciation for his regular replenishments, and their mutual affection was beyond that which could be expressed with each of them remaining in their own seats. To make sure that spilt beer didn't upset their little love-fest, she held her beer—in a rather carefree manner—over me, as she climbed over the arm of her chair on the other side, in an attempt to maximize body contact with her guy.
For all the love they showered on one another, each time he left to get another beer, she redirected her attention to me. Though flattered, I didn't return the attention – being reminded of junior high health classes, and of the prodigious leaping abilities of some of the tiny denizens of the human epidermis. Each time I declined to return her advances, her ardor for her lover only increased upon his return. They say ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’, and without the temporary distraction I might have provided, the urgency of her need for her true love must have been nearly unbearable.
Despite my delight in this, when a seat opened up in the next row above us, I relocated – just in time as it turns out. About the time I was comfortable in my new seat, she slopped most of her beer onto my now unoccupied seat.
She did provide a finale. When the concert ended, she and her guy disconnected, got up, and—being in the front row— treated the entire balcony to a view of the ‘whale tail’ top part of her thong underwear, as she readjusted herself to prepare for the, presumably, less intimate settings available in the outside world.
I don’t know why I don’t go to more concerts.
