I HATE YOU ... and I need a hug
When your child gets in your face, and screams, "I hate you! You're the worst Dad in the World!", there are at least two possibilities; She may be right, and you may be the worst Dad in the World.
The other possibility is that—whether, in the moment she feels that she means what she says—she may really be saying, "I'm completely overwhelmed by the world, by my life, and everything happening around me – and don't know how to handle it. You are a safe zone; I know I can scream anything at you, and you will absorb it and still be there for me.”
Maybe it was arrogance on my part, but I always assumed it was the latter of these, and tried to respond accordingly. I can’t claim that it never got to me, or that I never responded like another child – but the assumption that I would still be there when calm was restored was a safe bet, and absolute core of the father I have always hoped to be. The world is awash with unsafe zones; I was, and remain honored to be, a protective harbor.
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