Drowning

Experts say that drowning isn’t the loud splashy event portrayed in movies.  Often, the victim simply slides quietly beneath the surface and is lost. 

In First Aid, they teach that deadly choking doesn’t involve gagging and sputtering, but is totally silent, and often goes unnoticed until it’s too late. 

Those nearby when these losses happen are often plagued by doubt and guilt – questioning why they didn’t notice, imagining that they could have saved the victim, if they had just been paying attention.  

So too, with suicide.  Often it’s not the one who threatens it, or makes frequent pitiful noises, who falls victim; but the one who has kept a brave face, who has been strong for others – always putting them first.  Then one day—depleted—there is simply no more air. 

In the aftermath, friends, family, coworkers, people who have known the victim—often for years—are left to wonder how they didn’t see it coming.  What could they have done?  Could he have been saved if only we had seen through the cheerful patina to the struggling soul within?  Often the answer is that there was no outward sign - no way to know, or to help, but the painful questions persist. 

Bummed Jazzmine

The saddest part of every day for Jazzie is right after breakfast, when she realizes how long it is until dinner. 

Math isn’t her strongest subject, but you can almost see her counting the hours.  

She’s inconsolable at times like this.  It’s best to just leave her alone ...
unless you have treats. 

Short Conversations

She: "Does this make me look fat?”

He: “Come on honey, I don’t think clothes can do that” 

He: "Now that's a coincidence!  I’ve been wondering who keeps leaving the seat DOWN!”

He thought he was being funny, but he could tell that she thought otherwise; her silent response echoed through the house, thundering like an ass-chewing from a drill sergeant at a deaf-school boot camp; the message puntuated and clarified by her use of internationally-recognized digital semaphore.  

Holy Doughnut

So could it be said of an entirely sanctified sacramental doughnut that it is wholly holy, and holey? 

Just Passing Through

We’re all just passing through one another’s lives. 

Whether it be the parents who raised us, the brother or sister we sparred with growing up, a close friend, a spouse in a life-long marriage, a beloved pet, or a passing stranger on a mountain trail – the only thing we are guaranteed is the now.  It is where we live.  We may seize the moment to reach out, or let it pass.  But when that moment is gone, it's gone.    

When one we have loved is taken from us—their candle dimmed by death, infirmity, physical distance, or even alienation—we should remember that if it seems dark, it is because we so loved their light when it was nearby and full. 

Unnecessary Euphemisms

I come from a family of non-cussers.  Mostly non-drinkers as well, so I suppose it’s been my responsibility to make up for their deficiencies in both of these areas. 

I find it compelling—in a literary sense at least (I’m not a mean person in real life)to push a non-cusser to profanity.  They mess it up, either as a result of inexperience, or by hedging their bets, and it comes out in the form of awkward semi-euphemisms.  Here are a couple I’ve come up with so far:

‘Hush the fuck up!’

‘I hope you burn in H – E – Double-Hockeysticks!’

The Divorce

This is from 'the book' I'll write one day.  It's mostly centered around a bunch of old buddies camping, and swapping updates on their lives, and other lies.  This is one of them relating his final conversation with his most recent ex-wife (probably #4, but I haven't decided yet). 

The Breakup

“She was always givin’ me shit about leaving the toilet seat up.  One day, I offered her what felt like a decent counter-proposal.  I’d leave the toilet seat down for her, if she’d leave it up for me.  She turned red, glared at me, and said, ‘How about if I leave it down, you leave it down, and I don’t walk over there and scratch your stupid eyes out?’

“Well, on balance that seemed like a pretty workable deal, so I told her, ‘Okay great, we’ll just treat it like it’s nailed down.  You leave it down, and I leave it down, 24/7.  But I pee standing up, and there’s nothing about a smaller target that’s gonna improve my aim.’

“She walked over to the vase her parents gave us, wound up and chucked it at me.  I suppose I could’ve caught it, but I just ducked to one side, and it smashed into the wall, right where our wedding picture was hangin’.  Then she turned around and walked out the door; slammed it so hard another couple pictures fell of the wall.  I ain’t seen her since.